feeling?

I've been feeling... so out of it. And I know its getting dangerous when it's been so long that I don't remember not feeling like this.

Sometimes, I just feel so completely over everything. I shut down emotionally, I turn myself off. Those are my bad days, when I don't feel anything.

And I think I've been like that for a while. I've tried waking up in a good mood, and sustaining it, but... it never seems to last long. It's like the universe is against me being happy. ):

So I'm over a lot of people right now; I'm sick of them. I don't like who I'm talking to right now, and I want to talk to new people.

Actually it's loneliness I think. It's something I keep at an arm's length during most of the day, but it comes back to haunt me - when I'm by myself, if there's too much silence, if I have too much time to think.
It's not that I don't feel my friends or the connections I have with people. I just feel so completely isolated from the rest of the universe. I know it's a big ask, but I can't help but feel so.

Actually, maybe it's just a lack of presence in my inner circle right now. I've closed it off so tight no one can get through.

2010-02-15
11:15 p.m.
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