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Wow, it's been three months since I've written and I just read the last thing I wrote for fun.
and..

I WAS SO NERDY!

Well.. not nerdy. But so influenced by marks and exams and everything. And I think about this heaps but, I sounded so YOUNG. So excited.. so happy.
Not saying I'm not happy anymore or anything. I feel more.. mellow? (HAHA)

Well to clarify time, it end of term 1 right now.
and I just feel so tired. I don't know, I've been trying really hard at school.
And surprise, surprise. It's tiring.

Not really physically tired, cause I have enough sleep and everything. Just very exhausted in mind.

And what for?

But maybe I really did need to study more. This year feel so much harder. Just heaps of exams (WHICH DON'T COUNT FOR ANYTHING!) and homework. The teachers are heaps stricter too, feels like they're trying to be hard on us to make us grow up faster. But I still feel the same! All of a sudden, we have all these expectations and everything, and it isn't exactly cruising anymore.

Has all this work paid off anyways?
Besides the fact I have done all this work that isn't needed, it doesnt feel like much has changed.
To me, the difference between heaps of study and "enough" study is perhaps 2 marks or something. (MAYBE. I'm not a fortune teller =P)

Really bombed out in maths though.
Not that I hate the 1st maths class, but everything seems so.. rushed. I'm not at the top of my game anymore.
I think it's just because I don't like the way Ms Viz teaches. She's really cool! But honestly. If you give me maths homework does it look like I'll go home and sit there to do my maths homework!? I don't think so.

Self discipline is a problem (:

Eurgh. Last two maths results were a shocker. Consumer arithmetic is the only maths topic that is really needed in life and I suck at it.
Dammit.

And it's kinda depressing sitting next to Bec and Xtine. Xtine got 100... Bec got 96.. and then there's me.
It's weird. I'm so used to being above average. And now I'm not exactly easily above average. Aiyah.

Everything else is ok kinda. But do I really need all this effort to get CLOSE to full marks? Feels like what I took for granted last year is what I have to work hard for.

Cruising time is over? =S
Oh man, please don't tell me it's time to start working my butt off.

Honestly.
How does Bec do it.

2009-04-14
12:29 p.m.

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