Eulogy

I kind of can relate to Twilight now (god forbid from ever happening again..) but it felt like I could have sat there and watched her forever.

And this is where my source of age-ism fear comes from. I don't want to grow old. Growing old is suffering.
But come to think of it, living is suffering anyways.

My grandma, I usually didn't think of the life she had, how much she had done. When I look at "old people" now, I think of their experience, their wisdom. How much they have seen and known.

Will I be like that (if) I grow old?

Memories to me, are very distant. They come, they go. That's all.
I remember..
Her house every Friday night.
Playing cards, sitting on that L shaped pillow.
The heater we had to keep turning on and off.

Saturday mornings. Fried rice with egg.

5 years later,
Visiting her on weekends, walking in the sun , umbrella.
Her glasses

1/2 year later,
Nursing home. Musty. Loneliness
Alternating between hospitals.
Pureed food. Disgusting.

Now,
Suffering.

What is the resistance to euthanasia? It doesn't make sense to me. Especially when I see her suffering.

There is no regret. There shouldn't be any sadness. 86 years old, not bad for someone living a hard life in rural Vietnam. I am privileged to have known her.

Goodbye Grandma.

2009-04-28
8:24 p.m.
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