its spring

Isn't it weird how you aren't in control of your moods and emotions? Emotions and moods are controlled by the brain, and don't you control yourself? But it doesn't happen like that. It's almost as if your brain is just a receptacle for these emotions. Then where do emotions come from?
Ok, getting too complicated and philosophical.
But seriously. For example, sometimes there may be a reason why you feel happy, but other times you just do. It's a wonderful feeling of general wellbeing throughout your body, and content throughout your soul. When you sit down to rest, you feel truly still and calm; just a solitary being untouched by the worries of the world.

You notice this more when you're in a bad mood. Sometimes, the feeling of grumpiness just hits you and everything you see or hear annoys you. And you stop to think, why am I feeling like this?, and the realisation hits that there isn't really any reason.

Oh, all this excludes PMS by the way. PMS is a weird weird thing. Let's not go there ._____."

Then there's love. So confusing, so complicated, when it should be so easy. Sometimes, you can't help but like the wrong guy. You can't help but fall out of love. You can't help but not like someone, even if they are so nice to you. It's not up to your brain to tell itself what to feel. I don't know where these emotions come from, but they just do. And I guess the capricious nature of these emotions is what leads to heaps of heartbreak around.

But this isn't an entry about sad love. This is a happy entry (:

Basically today, I was dozing on the train in the morning (because I woke at 5am for orchestra), and when I'm dozing I think about things. And when I kinda awoke from the reverie, I had the happiest feeling ever. I was remembering, I was thinking about heaps of things that I had forgotten about (why?). I was thinking how it felt to just be with him.
Lol yes, this entry is about a guy xD
And being with him was something that I just took for granted.
Which is bad.
Because when you take things for granted, you don't appreciate them. You stop to marvel at its beauty and wonderfulness everyday, and it becomes another something in your everyday life.
I took a really big step back, and took a good look at what had changed, and what I wanted the future to be like. And I realised that I still wanted him in my life. Which was an important step, since I was contemplating on giving up.

So as I was sitting there, this well, indescribable feeling just bloomed in me (: It was like hope, love and anticipation all mixed into one.

And I haven't felt the feeling of love in such a long time, I was starting to wonder if I even was capable of feeling it. So I guess he awakened it inside me again, he thawed the frozen winter of my heart so yes, for me,

It's spring again.

2009-07-03
4:38 p.m.
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