on film

My dad has been driving me crazy (in a way) over the past week. He's not really driving me crazy, but it's just annoying. Highly frustrating if you get what I mean.

Basically, I had a session with a different piano accompanist for music. And he taped it, so he's been nagging me this whole week to watch it.

But I don't want to

I can't really say why, mainly (this is the logical reason) that I don't think I'll get anything out of it, and he's played it in so many efforts to subliminally influence me to listen to it that I have more or less heard enough to last me a lifetime.

So finally the nagging got on my nerves, so I decided to give it a try. What I realised was that I didn't want to watch the vid not because I thought it was a waste of time (well I kinda did) but I think I was more .. afraid? of seeing myself.

I don't stare at myself when I play violin.
I don't really even have time to think about how I sound, cause I'm busy thinking about the rest of the piece.

So I guess I was apprehensive about how I would sound, how I would look (lol would I look like a total idiot?) and whether I sounded like a complete n00b.
Cause that would be a blow to anybody's ego right? And being a performer is all about confidence =)

I guess people just don't like to see still reflections of what they are. Because cameras and video recorders don't lie. You look like what you are. Plenty of people (me included) don't like seeing pictures of ourselves, because it gives such unflattering representations of ourselves.
We think, do we really look that bad?
And the camera tells us,
Yes.

2009-07-16
7:27 p.m.

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