really, change!

Anyhow, I'm in one of those right now.

What has always annoyed me is the fleeting fragileness of emotions. It's how everyone ends up breaking their New Years resolutions anyways (and if you haven't by now, I really salute you). One moment, you are filled with motivation, hope, anger, despair; whatever it may be. But I know now that these feelings, like everything else in our modern day life, is temporary and volatile. We are as fickle and capricious in our emotions as everything else has become in our modern day technological world.

If only what we felt at a particular moment, at a particular time, on a particular day, could be snapshotted just like taking a picture. If we could somehow hold, in a little glass bottle, the exact feeling we had at one moment, and whenever we felt disheartened, we could revisit it again.

Sadly, nothing like that exists in our world. I'm left with a vague imprint of that fleeting impression on my whimsical mind, left grasping at the last whiffs of some delicious perfume of a passerby long gone.

The closest thing I've been able to come to the equivalent is trying my best to write it down; a vain attempt with frail inadequate words and phrases to completely capture a feeling, a moment.

Right now, I feel.. cleansed. Like the slate has been wiped clean, and I can honestly start over again.
It's hard work, reminding yourself everyday to be truly happy, to live life to the full, to actually carpe diem. But I believe it can be done.

I'm going to work harder, to try and get everything done as soon as possible.
I will keep my body healthier; to cut down on harmful foods, to exercise (weights, running (gulp...), ab work)
I will learn how to cook, and enjoy every failure (haha, which I predict there will be many)

As long as I keep trying, and I don't give up, that's good enough isn't it?
I know I'll relapse, but as long as I'm still willing to remake myself, that's all that matters isn't it?
My friend told me yesterday,
It might be painful every second, every minute, every day, to continue on; but if you do, the pain will eventually go away. But if you give up, the pain will stay with you for the rest of your life.

I have no idea why I'm in such a motivated, good mood. It won't last. I guess I just realised you are digging yourself further into a rut if you don't start the day with on a positive note to begin with.

You can't change the material world in order to make yourself happy because change is inevitable. When you are finally happy with something, whether it be that girl/boy, thatpromotion or thatlatest handbag or whatever, change will eventually come and sweep all contentment away. But what you can do is change the internal world within yourself, and let contentment come from within.
That's what I keep saying, maybe it's time I actually practised what I preached.