the hedgehog dilemma
It's one of those philosophical theories. Well anyways, it goes like this.
A group of hedgehogs want to cluster together for warmth in the winter. However, having done so, they injure each other with their quills. Thus, they must make a choice between comfort, or security.
It describes a situation to justify the behaviour of introverts or isolationists; in which human beings may wish for emotional intimacy, but may experience substantial mutual harm. The closer two human beings before, the increase in likelihood and ease at which they are at the liberty to inflict psychological pain upon each other. If they remain apart, the (roughly equivalent) psychological pain of loneliness is experienced. There is a self preservation equilibrium that is maintained by this theory, which balances self interest and consideration for others.
He said to me a long time ago, "It's kinda obvious, if you know how to spot it. We're broken people. "
Me, him, even Dannielle. It shows, and people can tell. I'm like an old wooden marionette. I retain vestiges of human behaviour whilst living a fragmented, broken melody, jerking and imperfect from the beginning.
I can never be the same again, and I feel like the lonely hedgehog who inadvertently pushes everyone away due to self preservation... and understand, you will be better off without me.
I'm difficult to live with. I'm judgmental, sarcastic, bitter, sometimes sullen, sometimes moody for reasons you can't understand, and entirely too hard of a shell of a person. Every part of me has turned hard and bitter, like the last shrivelled bad lemon crop.
But don't worry,
It's not just him who keeps me company and warms my nights.
You make the sun shine during my day,
and so does the 8some,
and everyone else.
It makes going to school the best part of my day, and the best part of my life.
Enough soppyness for one day, hey?
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